Bedtime routine for 2 and 3 year olds, with a song for before it starts

A good bedtime routine for 2 and 3 year olds can be three steps, in the same order every night: brush, book, bed. That is the American Academy of Pediatrics program called Brush, Book, Bed. The AAP explains that a predictable routine helps your child understand and expect what comes next, so the point is sameness, not perfection.

Eight o’clock at your house

The pajamas are on, more or less. Then comes one more drink, then the bear is missing, then a sudden and urgent need to run down the hall. You ask nicely. You ask again. By the third time your voice has changed, and now two tired people are arguing about teeth.

It gets harder as the evening goes on. The more tired everyone is, the less anyone can reason, and a toddler who is melting down cannot be talked into bed.

The routine, from the source

Here is what the AAP’s HealthyChildren.org pages say:

Brush. All young children need an adult’s help with brushing. Under age 3, use a smear of fluoride toothpaste the size of a grain of rice; from 3 to 6, a pea sized amount.
Book. Read after brushing and before bed, in a comfortable spot. Aim for about 15 minutes of reading aloud a day. The AAP also suggests making up stories, using silly voices and singing together.
Bed. Keep regular bedtimes and stick to them. Do not wait for eye rubbing or yawning, since that may be too late. Putting a child down 15 to 20 minutes earlier can make a noticeable difference.

The same organization also advises keeping waking times, meals and naps consistent, weekdays and weekends, and choosing routines that can be used anywhere. For the number of hours by age, see the table on its sleep page, linked in the sources below.

When bed becomes a battle

The psychiatrist Daniel Siegel and the psychotherapist Tina Bryson describe two kinds of tantrum. In one, the child has chosen it and could stop: that calls for a calm, firm limit, without giving in. In the other, the child has lost access to the thinking part of the brain: that calls for comfort, not a lecture, and any talk of consequences waits until later.

Our own application to bedtime, where both can happen: a child testing “one more book” may need a kind, unmoved “two books, and we’ve read two.” A child sobbing over the wrong cup may need your arms first. They also explain that with an upset child you connect first and redirect after, and that this is not permissiveness: what is not allowed stays not allowed. Sometimes, they add, what a child needs is simply food or sleep.

Tonight’s version

Say the plan out loud. “Teeth, two books, bed.” The same words each night.
Offer small choices. Which pajamas, which book. The routine itself is not up for a vote.
Move the wiggles earlier. The authors above note that for little ones, playful movement can change a mood, and our own suggestion is to get it done before teeth, not after.
End with the same sentence. Yours, whatever it is.

Some nights will still go badly, and that is normal. If sleep worries you, your pediatrician can help.

A song for before the routine

Our song Ay, Mariano, cómo sueña is not a lullaby. It has a bouncy beat and “woof woof” backing vocals, in Spanish with an English round, and we think of it as the song for the hour before bed: a playful way of saying the evening is turning. It will not put anyone to sleep, and that is not its job. You can hear it here.

Tonight, as you turn off the light, ask: “What will you dream about?”