How to teach kids to cross the road, one walk at a time

Teach kids to cross the road by doing it with them, every day, hand in hand: stop, look left, right and left again, and keep looking as you walk. The American Academy of Pediatrics says most children are not ready to cross alone until they are at least 10. So what you are building now is a habit, not independence.

The curb

You are walking to the park. Your three year old has seen a dog on the other side of the street and pulls hard on your hand, or tries to slip it free. You grip tighter and say “no!” louder than you meant to. The child is startled, then angry. You are a little shaken too.

At this age a child lives in the moment. The dog is the whole world, and the car at the end of the road does not exist yet. Telling them once does not settle it, and neither does telling them ten times.

What the sources say

From the AAP’s HealthyChildren.org:

Until about 10, a trusted adult should walk with the child.
Hold your child’s hand at crossings, and keep a firm grip on young children.
Cross at a crosswalk, and make eye contact with drivers before crossing.
Look left, right and left again, and keep looking until you are fully across.
Put the phone away. Texting, scrolling, calls and earbuds are all distractions.
Children learn the most from what they see trusted adults do. Every walk counts.

That last point may be the most useful one. The way you cross is the lesson.

Why a firm “stop” is fine here

The psychiatrist Daniel Siegel and the psychotherapist Tina Bryson explain that acting before thinking is a good thing in real danger. One of their examples is Dan Siegel shouting for his son to stop on a trail before he has consciously registered that there is a snake. That automatic response is useful when a threat is real. It becomes a problem when it fires with no danger around.

They also remind parents that the thinking part of a child’s brain is under construction for many years, so we should adjust our expectations, while children still answer for what they do. Our own reading for the street is this: “Stop!” is one of the few orders that needs no discussion in the moment. Save it for real danger, so it keeps its power. Afterward, get down to their level, connect, and explain. If your voice scared them, say so. “I shouted because of the car. You got a fright.”

Practice on every walk

Stop at every curb, even on an empty street. Same place, same word.
Say what you are doing. “I’m looking left. Now right. Left again. Now we go.”
Ask them to spot. “Do you see a car? Is it moving?”
Hold hands first, before you reach the curb, not at the last moment.
Use the traffic light as a game in the park, well away from the road.
Expect to repeat it. A child who gets it right on Monday may run on Tuesday. Keep the hand held.

Mariano’s traffic light song

In our second episode Mariano learns the traffic light in song: on red he sits, on yellow he waits, on green he goes. It is a way to rehearse at home that red means stop. It does not teach a child to cross, and it must never replace your hand. Note too that green alone is not enough on a real street: you still look both ways. Find it here.

On your next walk, stop at the curb and ask: “What do you see?”